The base for any kind of healthy relationship (or partnership) is good communication, wouldn’t we all agree? While nobody’s perfect, almost any misunderstanding or conflict can be overcome through the effort put into having amiable communication skills. Having said that, many make the mistake of assuming that there is only one way of communicating with others, and that is their way! This will inevitably result in frustration when the message does not come across, or when opinions are striked out. It’s high time we get ourselves enlightened on the secret of effective coommunication skills and that is by understanding the ego structure of the person. This is what the Enneagram approach is all about, and here, we have Ms Cindy Leong, Co-founder and Enneagram Personality Coach of Relationship Studio, to help us understand all about it.
Q: Could you give our readers a brief description of what the Enneagram approach is and how it works?
A: The Enneagram is a personality profiling tool that has a history that dates to 2500 years ago. In recent years, the study of it and its usage in the self-development, business, leadership and relationship building areas have increased due to its ability to shed light on the motivations behind people’s behaviours.
Q: How is the Enneagram different from other personality tests/profiles?
A: Most personality tests/profiles focus on profiling the behaviour that different individuals display, explaining “what you are like”, and they simply stop there. The Enneagram tells you “why you are like that” by explaining the motivation, defence mechanism and worldview behind these behaviours. In addition, the Enneagram provides a roadmap for self- improvement and effective relationship-building.
Q: How would knowing your Enneagram type and subtype help manage difficult colleagues
and/or superiors in a work environment?
A: By knowing the motivation and reason behind why people do the things they do, it gives us greater understanding on how to manage conflicts at work better. Also, it helps us to have more compassion towards the challenges others face because through the Enneagram, we realise that every one of us struggle with a particular way of seeing the world in ways that aren’t truly healthy.
For example, if I know that my superior is an Enneagram Type 8, I would know that when I make a mistake, the first thing I should do is to be prepared to own up to my mistake, and the second thing would be to quickly think of solutions that could repair the mistake. Finally, which is the hardest for many, I would need to brace myself for the potential outburst of anger (which will dissipate quickly too) and not let it affect me personally. Many people who have learnt about the Type 8 personality realised that they have been managing their relationship with this type wrongly all this while, which is a pity, because that reflects the many misunderstandings and missed opportunities to bond better.
Q: Are some types more difficult to manage than others? Could you give us an example?
A: Every type is difficult to manage if it is a low mastery individual, though I could say that for many Asians, low mastery Type 8s and 4s could be quite a challenge for them, due to our more reserved culture, and also the need to blend in rather than stand out.
Q: Could you provide our readers with some tips on how the Enneagram could help people in understanding their colleagues and motivations?
A: Be curious and non-judgmental. Be quick to ask more questions about WHY your colleagues do the things that they do and be open to the fact that our way of perceiving things may not be the same as others. What is “easy” for us, may be “very hard” for others and vice versa.
As we always like to tell our workshop participants, ‘People are not difficult, they’re just different‘.
Q & A with Cindy Leong
Co-founder and Enneagram Personality Coach of Relationship Studio
